Tuesday, 6/24/08: "Some Doubts Upon Entering a New Carboniferous Era"

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/opinion/24tue4.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=verlyn+klinkenborg&st=nyt&oref=slogin

Verlyn Klinkenborg just noticed that people sure are talking a lot about "carbon footprints" nowadays! For example, on the subway, and at Wal-Mart. And that's just two examples!

He would like us to know that he does NOT believe that language alone will solve the problem, he does NOT believe in the effectiveness of carbon offsets, he is NOT a climate-change skeptic, and that there is NOTHING trivial about carbon footprints.

So what does he believe? Well, he'll get to that in another column. (Just kidding.)

Thursday, 6/19/08: "Appreciations -- Cyd Charisse"

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/19/opinion/19thu4.html?scp=1&sq=cyd+charisse&st=nyt

Verlyn Klinkenborg appreciates Cyd Charisse. Who among us doesn't? However, I majored in critical studies of cinema, and I still have no idea what he means when he says:

The song is “Dancing in the Dark,” the setting is Central Park, and, as usual, the overlapping illusions are nearly confounding. There they are — two professional dancers, carefully choreographed and rehearsed, playing two professional dancers dancing spontaneously on a soundstage that is meant to be Central Park, and all the while they are feigning an almost reproachful, amorous awareness of each other that conceals the hard-working awareness of two pros on the job. It was Cyd Charisse’s remarkable gift to move through the hall of mirrors that is the American movie musical and never be caught glancing at herself.

Oh well: if it made sense, it wouldn't be Verlyn Klinkenborg.

Sunday, 6/15/08: "Fuel Thoughts"

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/15/opinion/15sun4.html?ref=opinion

Verlyn Klinkenborg just noticed that fuel prices have gone up.

EXTRA -- Special guest post from the author's dad!

Verlyn takes a sailing class and finds New York harbor more confusing than it appears on his map. (If he takes a few more classes, he will learn to call it his “chart.”) He devotes four paragraphs to listing passing watercraft and visible landmarks, and is careful to use the currently fashionable word “pivot.” He then wonders what it must have been like in the old days, when there were even more vessels in the harbor, probably.

Tuesday, 5/20/08: "Sailing the Waters of New York Harbor"

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/20/opinion/20tue4.html?_r=1&ref=opinion&oref=slogin

Verlyn Klinkenborg took a sailing class!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Thursday, 5/15/08: "Saying Goodbye to Justine Henin"

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/15/opinion/15thu4.html?_r=1&ref=opinion&oref=slogin

One time, Verlyn Klinkenborg watched a tennis star practice. She looked taller than he expected. He likes her because she is emotional, and he entertains kinky fantasies about "the pleasure of watching her grow into herself" and "the beauty of her extraordinary backhand."

Other Klinkenborg-related news items:

• Has anyone else been following the schizophrenic schedule of his column lately? Two weeks went by without a single column; then in the past two weeks alone it's appeared on Saturday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Does he just write them whenever he feels like it?
• "Saying Goodbye to Justine Henin" would be a good title for a Judy Blume novel, or a Judd Apatow comedy.
  

Wednesday, 5/7/08: "The Cost of Smarts"

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/07/opinion/07wed4.html

Verlyn Klinkenborg thinks intelligence might be overrated, and is unnerved by chickens.